Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 21 times)

shortcake

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Jokes
« on: January 21, 2018, 09:57:39 pm »
The teacher asked young Malcolm: "What do you do at Christmas time?"
 
Malcolm addressed the class: "Well Miss Jones, my twelve brothers and sisters and I go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Santa Claus to come with all our toys."
 
"Very nice Malcolm," she said. "Now Jimmy, what do you do at Christmas?"
 
"Well, Miss Jones, my sister and I also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."
 
Realizing there were Jewish boys in the class and not wanting to leave them out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac, what do you do at Christmas?"
 
Isaac said, "Well, Miss Jones, it's the same thing every year Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'  Then we all get on Dad’s jet and fly to the Bahamas."
« Last Edit: January 21, 2018, 10:20:23 pm by shortcake »

shortcake

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2018, 10:19:40 pm »
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.  An angel hears his plea and appears to him, "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."

The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.  The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.  Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!?!"